Since September 29, 2019, we are talking. At first, you were just another guy I connected on social media. Honestly, I don’t care to go through the facebook profile of every person I meet. You were no different.
I remember you first pinged me asking about my blog. I was amazed. I thought, “Wow, He has a good observation power.” I said, “Yes.” Then you asked me, “Do you travel a lot? Because I love travelling.”
That’s how our story started. I still didn’t look at your pictures. I didn’t know how the other person looks. I remember you were very talkative. Very very much talkative. Before I could reply to anything you kept sending me messages. I thought, “What a crazy boy!”
I liked to chat with you. Unlike other people, you took an interest in my writings and my small blogsite. You kept sending me a synopsis of every poem I wrote. And we exchanged numbers. For the first time, I saw your picture in your Whatsapp profile picture. You were posing in front of your car. To be honest, that was a kiddish picture. And then you called me. I was not ready to talk because I have a ‘manly’ voice. But the childish sweetness of your voice soothed me. I remeber, you said, “I want to make my career. I won’t take any penny from my parents.”
Adi, that was the exact moment I found a man in my 7 years long dating history. As the alumni of KIIT, I have met many rich people. But none of them had the firm confidence to be a self-made person. After a long chat, you said, “Would you like to date me? Then I’ll keep your photo as my wallpaper and I’ll tell people that you’re my girl.” I blushed. I blushed like a bride. I thought, “He is flirting. But he needs to be more subtle.”
I was slowly captivated by your sweetness. Meanwhile, I went to Vellore for my check-up. Vellore has something magical for me. Last time when I visited, it was the rainy season. It kept raining all day with thunder and storm and reminded me of my then love interest. But this time, the cool autumn breeze told me to say yes. And yes, I wanted to be your girlfriend. I was such a naive girl. Why did I trust someone so much without even meeting him? But that’s how my nature is.
Our bonding was working smoothly until you got to know about my past. I was honest with you. That’s why I opened up about my all past mistakes. I thought you would listen to it and you will say, “Rimli, it’s okay. Don’t whine about it.” Instead, you rejected me. You said that my past was bothering me. I was shattered. I didn’t expect that from you. You left me. But you came back again. Honestly, Adi, that break had left a scar on me. This time our equation was changed. The sweet caring Adi was no more. This time I started to cling on to you. I was afraid of losing you. I kept waiting for things to get back to normal. But the magic was gone. With the waiting expectations grew and those unfulfilled expectations turned into anger. At a point, I burst out.
I still remember the day you drunk called me on video and said, “I am never gonna share a room with any girl except you. Do you understand? Rimli you are mine.” After keeping the phone I cried. I cried a lot. What to do? I was in love with you. I just wanted to hug you and sleep in your arms. I love you.
But your placement pressure was high. Our conversation was zero. And just a day before your interview, when you texted me, I burst out of anger. I hurt you, Adi, didn’t I? But what to do? We didn’t talk for more than 14 days. The very next day you were selected in Dell. When you told me that, I just wanted to hug and kiss my unseen lover to congratulate. That night I found my talkative Adi back. You kept telling me that I was your strength and you used to read my poems. Adi, I was crying on the other side of the chatbox. I never thought that I could be loved so much.
We started it again. And this time luck was on our side. I met you in real for the first time. Oh God! I wish, I could stop the time and travel back to the moment I first saw you. I can’t forget your peach-like cheeks, your thin soft lips and you. I never felt that we had fought so many times throughout the time. When I was snuggling in your chest, you hold my face in your palms and said, “I love you” followed by a kiss. I don’t care if that was a dream or a mirage or anything. That was one of the most memorable in my 26 years old long life.
I am writing all of these because I can’t express what I feel, verbally. Again our bond seems to be lost. Your silence hurts me. I want to talk to you but you are unavailable. I want you to be with me. I want you to love the naive girl. I want you to bring back the talkative Adi I first talked. I want to be your girl truly.
**P.S : Just few days after writing this letter, I received a message from him. And it was over. The dreams I dreamt with him were shattered. That’s life.